problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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