and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
