I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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