We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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