You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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