I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
