I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize