I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
