There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I touched a dick in church today
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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