I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
