My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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