That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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