nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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