I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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