oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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