I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
