someone get that fucking seahorse.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
