Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
