i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
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