And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
