I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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