'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
