he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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