We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
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She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
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I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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