Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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