You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
As shirtless as possible
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
