Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
