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I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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