Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
