even my farts smell like vagina
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
