it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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