he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
