Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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