we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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