I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
