Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
