you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?