Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
