so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
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Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying