he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
