i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
