Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
