I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
