Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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