Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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