I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
