I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
