I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize