Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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