I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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