No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
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