so that wasnt chicken after all
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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