..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
