I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show youâ€
Randomize
