I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dick very happy bro
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
