Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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