My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
