Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
