If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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