I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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