OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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