So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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