At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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