Please, let me fuck your mom
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The power of my boobs compel you
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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