Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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