I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
