In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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