wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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