I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
