grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
