ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
