you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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