my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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