Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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