i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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