He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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