GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize