You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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