you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
