I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
