perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
