I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
