You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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