New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
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I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
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His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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